Reflections on my day 9-8-2020
Tuesday, September 8, 2020 was the marker for my day.
I sat and meditated on my time in the world and all the good that I now believe I am worthy of experiencing.
Birthday celebrations looked different in my home than our neighbors.
It was largely unnoticed or talked about. There was no party or gifts.
Instead, the night before our birthdays, my two younger brothers and my mom would gather in my little bedroom on my bed for the birth story.
When we were little kids, story time was apart of the bedtime ritual. We’d gather in my room for a story and prayers before bed. It was special time. Looking back, my mom would’ve made an excellent preschool teacher; she loved little kids.
The cool thing is there were significant events that led up to each of our births and she repeated it each year the night before your day. We all had a unique story. Some were quite dramatic. We’d listen with rapt attention adding little details she missed because we new the stories but begged to hear them over and over again anyway.
Also the fortunate sibling could do absolutely nothing on their day. No chores at all. You could just chill. Mom was so cool. Somehow, she'd make a special dessert that evening and make you feel it was all for you. She spoiled us emotionally. She was a natural nurturer.
For my 11th birthday, she let me listen to the same 2 albums over and over again. Natalie Cole and Stevie Wonder. No I cannot sing a bit and Yes, I did sing. My poor brothers were furious.
Dad even pretended not to notice as I scratched his precious records picking up the needle on the record. It was the only time he allowed it.
I didn't feel poor or missing out as long as she did that for us. What a treasure she gifted me.
I continue the theme of focusing on the simple things in life to this day. I truly love giving friends gifts. But, as I mature, I also appreciate expressing my Love language in different ways. I indulge in the pleasure of learning to cook someone's favorite food or spending quality time doing whatever they like. These things seem to last longer than mass produced stuff.
Even when my pockets and I are having trouble communicating, y'all know what I mean, it's not hard to share some love. Of course, the best gift is simple respect and attention. I’ve long realized how guilt is hidden behind gifts. That is not the groove I’m in.
Humanity is starving for, LOVE. People want to know how they are unique and whats special about them. So make sure and tell them with your words or with special time with them alone. Maturity brings a clarity that demands new behaviors. All we really want is a gesture that says, I see you and you matter. You are special.
As simple as that is, the dividends are tremendously wonderful. You can save a life. A HUMAN life! Even with parties and gifts, people still fell unseen and unloved.
Our attention can open the sky up and bring light to a dark soul. For free!
I’m so happy she gave me the best things in life early so I know I will always know how to care for the spirit.
My journey has been exactly what it should be and I am growing more and more aware of how wonderful a life I enjoy.
No shame. No guilt. No self-hatred.
No expectation only appreciation. It feels better.
Finding the simple things in life has become very meaningful to me. I chase rainbows and sunsets. I pull over to stare at lakes. I cry at the oceans edge. Not in sadness but in awe of the sheer genius of the Creator. These are gifts and I am so happy to be aware and present for my life.
Depression and C-PTSD tried to rob me of the pleasure of my own company. After many years of pursuing self-love I stopped all that motion and simply found a safe place to be still and self-love caught up with me.
It was never gone, simply muffled. Harmony is singing out loud and clear now all thru this body.
I appreciate every note, every call, everything that was even thought of positively in my direction. I got them all! I need all of that energy to live my magnificent life of self-discovery and creativity. I am a keeper of the purple vibe.
So what does one do if they’re not into crowds or parties? A whole lot!
I ended my September 8, 2020 as I do most days, in reflection of the marvels of creation and wonderment of the unveiling of me. Surrounded by well wishes of beautiful people that I’ve supported and affirmed as safe for me. Anxiety had no reason to disturb me as I was fully centered in my heart and mind.
Yes negative thoughts come up. Yes I still have some sleepless nights because I accepted a gift and I have to fight my mind to let me enjoy it and not feel unworthy to have it. Those moments are getting far and few in between but they are present.
What changed? I changed my attitude.
Life is better when gratitude is leading the vibe. However you do what you do…do that. Celebrate the good things in life. The ones that don’t cost and that make you smile a mile wide. You can ride that good feeling a long way on your journey and keep adding to it.
Quote: “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now~ Maya Angelou
That’s my word People. Thank you for your kind attention. Please share
Peace and Purple love Tribe.
Ps. I miss you mom. Can you believe your baby is 52?!